Funeral Facts
Grief can take a physical toll but there is help
By Donna Chantler R.N., M.Ed.
Donna is a local resident who has been helping people deal with loss for over 20 years.

Grief is a normal reaction to loss, a universal experience that we repeatedly encounter.

It can be a physical, or tangible loss, experienced when a child, partner, or friend dies, or, it can be a symbolic loss, or, non-tangible loss, experienced when a divorce occurs or a job demotion is imposed on a person. Nevertheless, the loss will initiate a process of grief that a person must confront and integrate into their lives.

Grief work requires the expenditure of both physical and emotional energy. The energy required to do grief work often causes the bereaved difficulty. They fail to anticipate the physical toll the grief process exacts. They are not prepared for the intensity of their emotional reactions and the necessity for expressing and releasing the feelings that arise. The pain of grief becomes even more excruciating when emotional support is withdrawn at a time when the bereaved most need it.

The pain is compounded even further when society places unrealistic expectations on the bereaved to "get on with life within a year."

Inappropriate responses to grief make it difficult for the bereaved to trust they will be heard, understood and accepted as they struggle to face new challenges.

Support groups have become a place in our society where people can connect with others who are experiencing a similar life situation. In a grief group, people listen to each other with respect and compassion, they support each other, and share experiences that help them cope for another hour, day, or week. In a grief group, pain and joy, tears and laughter, despair and hope are all felt, acknowledged and affirmed. The process of grief is normalized which helps break down the isolation of grief.

Being in a group can be frightening for many people. From my experience though, grief work is made easier by sharing with others, under the care of an experienced group facilitator. No child, adolescent, or adult needs to carry the burden of grief alone.

Grief is not a disease. It is a lengthy process of adaptation to a loss that will forever impact the lives of the bereaved. The support from people who know and care is waiting for you.